Ka-muu-ni-cate. Seriously.

Personal sarcasm goes a long way.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, the world will cry at your expense.
My sister and I are both happily married now (Congratulations Jess & Greg! 4-10-10), and we both learned lessons about communication on our respective wedding days.
I’ll start with my own story, so she can get the last laugh.
The morning of our outdoor wedding was wet, and by wet I men monsoon-like. 4 ½ inches of rain flooded my parents’ 2 acre property- the property they had erected an arch upon, perfectly landscaped and replanted with blue hydrangea, which needs the proper soil to turn blue. They day before had been perfect, hot and sunny with clear blue skies, but this day was gray and bleak. Rain drowned the area of Montgomery County with fury and force that morning. And so, nervous and unsure about the location, I impatiently waited for my Verizon Envy’s assuring vibration, but nothing came. We planned to move the ceremony to the beautiful reception site and began packing the car with everything we needed, including all 8 maids.
Finally, the familiar buzz of my phone! My groom-to-be! He said “hello” in such a timid voice, I wasn’t sure if I even heard him. Then he said sorry he was calling, but he wanted me to know it was all going to be OK that the wedding was moved. “I know,” I responded, “but where have you been?” I rambled on about how I didn’t know where he was and why he hadn’t called me earlier.
“I thought we couldn’t talk or see each other until the ceremony.”
Relief from doubts neither one of us had ever felt.
This was, by far, the most ridiculous morning ever. After a glass of champagne, I let myself laugh. What a silly man- he made my superstitions look like fairy tales. I needed to talk to him and he thought if he called he would be causing us some kind of bad luck.
Moral: Keep the lines of communication open- remember… he wants to know what you’re thinking and how to not get into trouble.

As for Jessica...
Jess texted Greg* early in the morning asking him if he needed his extra shoes (she was packing for the wedding night). She never got a response and as a million texts were coming in she deleted and, eventually, forgot she texted him.
At about 2:00, when she was getting her hair done, because she had not heard from Greg yet, she texted him “Happy Wedding Day.” She got the response, “No”. After 45 minutes of tears and phone calls made to everyone from Greg’s mom and sister to the Best Man’s family, the Country Club pulled Greg off the green- he had NO clue what was going on. He sent a text, in summary, saying how happy he is and how he’s never wanted anything but this. After we all shed a joyful tear and laughed at our dramatic-woman-tendencies, we finished our hair and went to the club… the rest, well, that comes under “Happily Ever After”.

*went out golfing EARLY in the AM with Ross David, his best man.



Moral: When you’re golfing, bring your phone, even if you’re not supposed to have it on the course- if it’s your wedding day or your wife is pregnant, the club will understand.

...and so it goes

This began as a "bridal blog"... a place to vent the sarcasm and fuel the ridiculous, but as I show up for work everyday, I realize: some people will never change, but I can!
This is a blog about Chelley. About work, not-work, marathon training and eventually potty training (for the future me(s), I've got potty-ing down pat).

My latest vent does, in fact, have to do with work and how hair pulling and crying in a corner isn't just for Butler patients anymore!


A family I had seen before came into the venue where I work as a consultant... long story short, they had been there before with a 2 year old child, bouncing a soccer ball, wearing just a diaper and tank top (male). So, as they entered, I cringed inside (never outward- always smile!). After 2 hours, said boy removed his diaper. I told the mother (all of 17 years of age... yes, he is 2) "J***d*n is naked," to which she replied, "what?" I said, "I can see his penis." She laughed and picked him up off the floor, where he was pantless, diaperless and rubbing on the carpet, and put his pants back on (sans diaper). Two more hours pass... and he poops on the floor. I clean it up.
I go to work in a suit and heels so you can show up in pajama pants?
I don't think so. Please America, find some class, regardless of your actual class.
Love always,
Sarcastic as ever,
Degraded to cleaning your kid's poop,
The Anti... lots of things

Debark the Bride

A favorite bridal story of mine isn’t even mine (for shame!).
I can recall an evening my husband and I were watching television at my in-law’s (we don’t won a TV for a reason- there is trash on it!) when we paused on a bridal show.

The bride’s husband-to-be’s father had a heart condition that landed him in the hospital two nights before the wedding. She yelled at her groom-to-be, asking if she was just supposed to postpone her wedding because he was sick. The groom assured her this was not the case, and, after much ado and fuss over her, the groom’s father checked out of the hospital the morning of the wedding and was able to attend- happy as any man can be when watching his son go off with a psychotic woman.

Although this is not always the case, as I am well aware of the way television makes someone the bad guy and someone the good guy, there was no good way I could see this story to be spun to make the bride look better. She was self-centered and self-righteous about her big day.
How do planners stop this behavior? We never let it start.
I, personally, like to remind the bride that I am here for her every whim, but coffee at 2am is not a whim, and I am never hired as a personal whipping-girl.

Some brides need to be debarked to nip their bite!

My advice to the maids, moms and grooms:
Remind the beautiful, blushing bride that she looks like a furious raccoon with no sleep and sounds like a spitting banshee in the night when she is flustered. Let her know and assure her that you want to help and would love a list of “to-dos” to make her life easier. Don’t give up too much ground, or you’ll end up giving a mile, but remember your own special day or think of how perfect you want everything to go for her- even if it all sounds like a crock to you- keep things on a more than civil basis to avoid the all out bite of bridezilla. Why? Because bridezilla can alienate friends and family so far during the planning process that by 11pm wedding night, all her friends have left the party and never call again. Nobody wants a war- so squelch the battles.

Co-Workers...

The customer my not always be right... but your coworkers can always be wrong!

There are certain respects given to event specialists who have been in the business a bit longer than others- going on a decade of extravaganza planning, I, as well as my fellow planners, expect the newbies to act accordingly.
This being said, there is no reason to step on toes, when you can delicately glide over your coworkers feet without leaving an impression upon them.

Please, follow guidelines laid out by years of corporate expertise in your handbook, and read between the lines. Remember to always observe your fellow workers and how they treat each space in the office. Is certain software only available for use on one or two computers- give up the one someone needs for space planning while you email somewhere else. Is there a fitting room shortage- ask the bridal party if they can share rooms, or if they mind taking turns. Is there a pictorial wedding book that multiple brides need to see- try to pull the images up from the internet or make color copies to look at while you wait for the real deal.

Expressing concern and respect for your coworkers time and energy will help you climb the ladder of success, rather than knocking yourself down a rung or two when you upset someone who has some form of seniority.

With all the bridezillas in the world, we don't want to go creating EventPlannerZilla, too... right?

Time...

Just a sarcastic note, as the weekend is busy for this planner!

If YOU are in a rush, this does not mean I am in a rush.
Please, if it is so important that I help you immediately- the very instant you walk in the door- please call ahead of time- make an appointment- or wait until you have a few more moments.
Do not force a lot of paperwork on me in a moments notice and ask me to figure out a seating chart, font or find an order for you in less than 5 minutes.

Thank you... and enjoy your Spring!

Beadazzled... or not.

Jewelry is like a fine sprinkle topping on your cake... after it has been iced. Defining, finishing touches can make or break your pictures- brilliance, or earthy? Bohemian or glamorous?
Have you seen the bride who has earrings the size of her head? Or more necklaces on than you actually own? The bicep-cuff, with a tulle gown? The diamond collar with a tea-length dress?
Such opposing styles are not for your wedding day. You're looking for a whole look- take your favorite style and go for it! If you want to dress up, do that! Add your own quirky details (cute shoes, a feather), but keep the wacky for a Tuesday.
Wedding jewels can cost upwards of $200, but when you're wearing pieces that you can wear again, what's $200? It's the fine line of "everyday" vs "wedding" that you need to blur to find those perfect pieces.
The perfect neckline, though perfect, may need a little pendant. A diamond you can wear again, or a CZ (keep jewelry off the cotton that comes in the box- there is a chemical in it that causes tarnishing). Too much on the neck takes away from you AND your gown. I'm sure you've heard "too much is just too much"... in this case, too much. -->
When you have a beautiful neckline, think of a nice cuff, or a headpiece that speaks for your personality and your wedding day (a tiara at the beach, too much- a crystal headband, perfect).
In the case of wedding jewelry, all jokes aside, please remember you will have to look at your pictures for the rest of your life- if you look like you've framed your face in cheap crap, than you will look like cheap crap.

Some places to check out on both ends of the spectrum:
http://silpada.com/public/
http://www.ice.com/

Best wishes on beadazzlement. Remember- you're not a holiday decoration.

Your consultant and the truth.

Have you ever cheated? Have you ever lied?
If the answer is 'yes', which we all have at one point or another, ask yourself if it was for personal gain, or to make yourself feel better. Did you feel guilty? In the end, would it have been better for you to say the truth, or admit your shortcomings?
Your event consultant comes with a fee, both monetary and emotional. We invest our hours trying to make your day everything you have ever imagined, and our emotions, becoming involved in every decision we can, from your dress to your votive candles.
If something is not to your liking, or too expensive, or you're just not happy, LET US KNOW! The more time and emotion you waste being upset, thus upsetting your friends and family, the more time is wasted not being able to help you!
Don't lie or make up a story about being sick, your dog dying or your grandmother being unhappy with a service, just let us know you need a different offering to fit your ideal wedding day vision.

Sample story:
A bride, Mary*, came into a floral shop where Lisa*, a fellow planner of mine worked as a wedding day consultant. Lisa did not personally work for the brides, she created the center pieces, bouquets, boutonnieres, and other arrangements and was in charge of delivery and pick-up of rented items. Mary was having a small wedding, and when she received her estimated expense from her consultant, Kelly*, it was too high a price to pay. Kelly was never advised to Mary's dismay, because Mary never told her, or anyone. She came in and told the manager on duty that her mother was upset with the service she received from the shop, and would not be using them for her wedding. This became an issue for Kelly, but that is not the concern here. The end of this tale comes when Mary made her way back in, with her mother, when another manager was on, and Kelly was off. Lisa, having to always be at work to put every arrangement together, was aware of who Mary was, and wondered why she was back.
Mary sat down with a new consultant and worked out a whole new plan for her wedding day "florals", with smaller center pieces and no bouquets for the moms, which significantly lessened her bill. She walked out, very pleased with her service.
When Lisa realized what happened, she alerted Kelly to the situation. They were upset with the blatant lie they were told about the service; Kelly because she had a firm talking-to and the manager because the (non)issue occurred on her shift.
The new consultant was awarded the commission, as she had done the new work, and Kelly was left with disappointment and mass confusion.
Since this time, Mary has been married- it was a beautiful occasion this past June that Lisa prepared and set-up.
She still stays clear away from Kelly when she comes in to buy flower arrangements for her home.

Do you get it? She could have saved herself hassle and time, running around and avoiding people, if she had just told Kelly the price was too high! And Kelly, too. Who got in trouble at work, missed out on commission and never got the chance to help Mary realize her dream.

At the end of the day, it really boils down to knowing that you will feel guilt for lying, and you may be cheating yourself out of a really great experience with a super consultant. If you can't make your appointment because you overslept, tell your consultant. It's not shameful- we wish we were still sleeping, too! Please, do not tell us you have a flat tire. Or if we call, and you're not interested in our service, don't hang up or never return voicemails, just say, "I'm all set now, thank you so much."

We would, well, be thankful we can stop bothering you!

SPEAK UP! WE'LL LISTEN!

*all names have been changed